Dear Big Sister,
I just got engaged and everything is crazy, great, amazing and upside down all at the same time. Me and my Chosson talk once a week and again, it’s great, but also so. Cringe. No one told me how awkward it would be! We don’t have anything to share, there’s loads of silences and I dread each phone call. Is this normal?!
Hi!
Mazel tov! Welcome to the engaged/married club. I totally get the ‘everything is crazy, great, amazing and upside down’ thing. It literally feels like the world flips once you get engaged. Everything is flying and you forget your own name from time to time;)
Is it normal to have awkward silences and not a lot to talk about over the phone? Yes. Phone calls can be really cringe, especially when you’re not 1000% comfortable with each other yet.
When I was engaged, at the beginning I had a sticky note and throughout the week I would write down anything that happened that I could talk to him about. I looked at it when he called so I could remember and share something when it gets to that dreaded silent moment. But after a few weeks, I didn’t need it anymore. You quickly learn the way you communicate and everything (not just phone calls!) gets smoother and less techy. Either way, preparation is key in all areas of life! So even if you don’t write it down, have in mind around the time he calls some things you can bring up.
That being said, there are going to be amazing phone calls when you both have loads to share, things go smoothly and it’s fun. And there are going to be less great ones. Some people also are just not phone call people and hate it. If that’s you and it works with your minhag, maybe ask if you can meet up a few times during the engagement so you have time to enjoy each others company without cringing.
However it’s really important to check in with an adult, whether it’s your kallah teacher, mother, aunt, big sister (not only ones online;) and talk about this if things still don’t feel right. Feelings shouldn’t be ignored and it’s important to differentiate between normal kallah nerves and awkwardness and something that might need to be talked about or looked into.
Wishing you a big mazel tov again! Being engaged is a lot, so keep up the good work and remember to breathe. You’re gonna be an amazing wife. You got this!
Perele
