Any kallahs reading this? Hi, I’m your big sister. And if you’re newly married, I hope this is a little validating!
1. It’s ok to have some space
You’re two people, living in a small space, and you just about know each other. The first few weeks you’re going to be going from no contact, to being together 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing and there’s something so raw and special about those first weeks, but also it can be claustrophobic and intense. Go outside! Spend time alone, when he goes to daven, take a few minutes when you’re not rushing to make the next meal or tidy up, but just have space to breathe alone. Don’t feel guilty for asking if you can go out with a friend. It takes time to figure out how often works for both of you, but honestly, they’re completely happy for you to take an hour or two for ice coffees. Guys get it before we do; a refreshed wife = an easier life 😉
2. One mistake doesn’t mean your marriage is ruined.
The title says it all. Learn the gift of apology, understand that there WILL BE miscommunication, or more stressful times. You will do things that you regret, make mistakes (even ruin his favourite shirt!), and that’s okay. Your marriage is just as ok, you’re just the same ‘good’ wife. You’ll both get over it.
3. It. Gets. Better.
I can say this again and again and again. You’re doing something new, there’s going to be times when you’re wondering why everyone dreams about getting married. It gets better! One day you’ll be able to put on a wash with your eyes closed, have a supper ready in 20 minutes, know exactly what drink to order for your husband, and you’ll have cute inside jokes together. When you’re feeling stuck, or like you made the wrong decision, remember, it will get better.
4. You don’t need to act like you’ve been married for 5 years when you’ve been married for 5 minutes.
My Kallah teacher actually did tell me this, but I didn’t realise how true it was. You’re not supposed to know what you’re doing straight away. You’re not supposed to have it all perfect, and feel completely comfortable, all at once. There’s no button to click that will make your marriage or your home run 100% smoothly, because that’s not the point. The point is to fumble along the way, to figure things out for yourself. You’re going to turn around one day and realise how far you’ve come, but don’t be harsh on yourself when you don’t know it all yet, and only got married five minutes ago.
Mostly, remember: You’re doing better than you think.
Perele x
