Hi!
Firstly, thanks for this website. I love it!
I’m going to my in-laws for Shabbos. We live far so we’re flying in for a few days and I’m so nervous. Every time we go it’s so cringe! My mother-in-law is really sweet, but we have nothing in common and even if I try not to, I feel like I hide in my room reading for most of the time.
Help!
Hi!
Ah, the infamous room hiding technique. We’ve all done it, especially at the beginning!
Navigating in-laws, and especially your relationship with your mother-in-law, is a huge topic and a big part of the newly married stage.
I think it’s important to remember that your mother-in-law was a daughter-in-law once too. She doesn’t expect you to blend in with the family the second your husband smashed the glass. It’s ok to take time for yourself, or alone time with your husband. Moving in for Shabbos can often get intense and downtime is often the only thing needed to stop you from silently crying into your pillow 😉
But also it’s important to remember that your mother-in-law wants to get to know you! Ask her for advice and recipes. Besides picking up some great tips and tricks, you’re also building a connection and melting the ice. If she has old photo albums or pictures, those are the best! Read them while she’s there and ask her questions about your husband as a kid.
Also, even if it’s awkward because you don’t know what you’re doing, try to help out when you can. If she’s serving, stand up and bring stuff to the table, and help clear things off afterwards. Yes, you’ll probably do something ‘wrong’ or different from how they do it, but they won’t hold it against you, and they’ll appreciate it! If there are kids at home, offer to take them out to the park. It’s a win-win because you get out and she’s so grateful!
Ask your husband to be your bridge. Before you go, get him to tell you what his mum loves talking about, and over the weekend he can pull you into conversations so you’re not sitting there on your own.
Bring a small gift, or offer to make one dish for Shabbos. It’s an easy icebreaker and gives you something to chat about in the kitchen.
Remember, like all parts of marriage, things just need time to get into it and get used to it. You may never be besties with your mother-in-law, but you can definitely have a nice relationship.
Any other tips for fellow sisters? Please share them!
Perele x
